Walk into your IEP meeting prepared — not overwhelmed
The IEP meeting can feel like a room full of experts talking about your child. Here's how to show up as an equal member of that team.
How to prepare for your IEP meeting
Preparation is the single most important thing you can do. Families who come prepared get better IEPs.
Request all evaluation reports at least 5 days before the meeting. Read them carefully. Note anything that seems inaccurate or incomplete.
Write down your child's strengths, challenges, and what works for them at home. Bring this list.
Review the current IEP (if there is one). Note which goals were met, which weren't, and what services you feel are missing.
Write down the services you believe your child needs — be specific about type, frequency, and duration.
Bring any outside evaluations, therapy reports, or medical records that support your child's needs.
Consider bringing an advocate, trusted family member, or friend for support. Notify the school in advance.
Request an interpreter if you need one — the DOE is required to provide one at no cost.
Ask for the meeting agenda in advance so you know what will be discussed.
Know your rights: you are a full member of this team. Your input is not optional — it's legally required.
You can record the meeting. In New York, you must notify the school at least 24 hours in advance that you intend to record.
Language to avoid — and what to say instead
The words you use in an IEP meeting matter. Some phrases can inadvertently weaken your position or give the team an easy out. Here's what to watch for.
Avoid saying
"I just want what's best for my child."
Why: This sounds reasonable but is legally meaningless. IDEA doesn't require the 'best' — it requires 'appropriate.' Using this phrase can make it seem like you're asking for more than the law provides.
Say instead
"I'm asking for what my child needs to receive a free appropriate public education."
Avoid saying
"Whatever you think is best."
Why: You are a full member of this team. Deferring entirely to the professionals signals that your input doesn't matter — and it does.
Say instead
"I'd like to share my perspective on this, and then we can discuss it as a team."
Avoid saying
"I guess that sounds okay."
Why: Ambiguous agreement can be interpreted as consent. If you're not sure, don't agree.
Say instead
"I need more time to review this before I can agree. I'll take the IEP home and respond in writing."
Avoid saying
"He's just a little behind." / "She'll catch up."
Why: Minimizing your child's challenges can undermine the case for services.
Say instead
Use specific, concrete language: "He is currently reading at a 2nd grade level and is in 4th grade. This gap is affecting his ability to access grade-level content."
Avoid saying
"I don't want to cause problems."
Why: Advocating for your child is not causing problems. This framing puts you in a defensive position before you've said anything.
Say instead
"I want to make sure we're all on the same page about what my child needs."
Avoid saying
"Can you just try this for a few months and see?"
Why: Agreeing to a trial period without specifics can delay appropriate services and make it harder to challenge the placement later.
Say instead
"If we're going to try this approach, I'd like to set specific, measurable benchmarks and a clear timeline for reviewing progress."
Avoid saying
"I know you're doing your best."
Why: While kind, this can soften your position when you need to be firm about unmet needs.
Say instead
"I appreciate everyone's effort. I also need to be clear that the current plan isn't meeting my child's needs, and I'd like to discuss changes."
What to do if you disagree with the IEP
You are never required to accept an IEP you disagree with. Here's a step-by-step approach to pushing back effectively.
Say it out loud — and ask for it to be recorded
At the meeting, clearly state your disagreement and ask that your objection be noted in the meeting record. Say: 'I want it noted that I disagree with [specific element] and my reasons are [X].'
Do not sign the IEP
You can sign the attendance page without signing the IEP itself. Signing the IEP can be interpreted as consent. Take the document home and review it carefully before signing anything.
Send a written response
Within a few days of the meeting, send a written letter or email to the CSE office stating your specific objections and what changes you are requesting. Be concrete and specific.
Request another CSE meeting
You can request a new CSE meeting at any time to discuss changes to the IEP. Put the request in writing.
Request an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE)
If you disagree with the DOE's evaluation (which forms the basis of the IEP), you can request an IEE at public expense. The DOE must fund it or file for a hearing to defend their evaluation.
File a State Complaint or request an impartial hearing
If you can't resolve the disagreement through the CSE, you have the right to file a State Complaint with NYSED or request an impartial hearing. See our Roadblocks page for details.
Important: Important: Even if you disagree with the IEP, your child has the right to receive services while the dispute is being resolved. Don't let disagreement delay services — push back in writing while services continue.